The East Village Journal

Sometimes, the downside to masturbation for me is the fact that after the release, there's little incentive to continue watching porn. So, as often as I masturbate, much of the time I'm not even watching very much porn. Usually it takes less than five minutes from start to finish, and a decent amount of that time is just searching for the exact photo or scene or whatever that I want to be viewing when I nut. I buy these magazines full of high quality porno, paying real money for these things, and I barely spend anytime looking through them. I used to watch cam girls in the shower. I'd put my phone in a ziploc and prop it up so I could watch it while I shower. That was good. But I can't be walking around in public with a nudie mag flipping through picture of chicks getting railed. That's why I collect.

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Today, I downloaded about thirty gigabytes of porn. It was fantastic. I'm sitting here, my testicle throbbing, begging for release. I get blue ball really easy. Maybe its because I've been a chronic masturbator since I was like twelve, and I'm finally trying to go more than a day without climaxing. But that's my excuse. Because I'm trying to practice hand-to-cock abstinence, I have to wait days before the pain in my testicle is too much, and that's my excuse to break out the magazines and let it ride!

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I just have trouble viewing porn without immediately masturbating, so I've taken to collecting, downloading, screenshotting, and organizing porn of all kinds from many different sources. That's how I watch porn without immediately wanting to grab my willy and go ham.

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That's all on that front.

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In other news, well, I don't really know. I've been looking at porn for the last four hours so I'm kind of brain dead.

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Hold on! Today is about having more time now that stress and worry aren't filling all my hours. I have felt more tranquility in my mind, and it allows me to be more flexible with my time. When I used to be extremely rigid with my schedule, tricking myself into thinking I couldn't do anything fun until I got some studying/work done, I've loosened that idea up a bit. I'm still falling into some of these habits which cause me to self-isolate, but I can recognize the reality of the tricks I play with myself in my head, and sometimes I'm even able to break away from these patterns. 

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That's all for today. Love you all and stay safe rats!